HaPpY BiRTHdaY, MaX!!!

I can't believe it's already been a year since Max was born. Remembering back one year...we had just had a "surprise" party for Julie...(and by surprise, I mean she put on lip gloss before we got to the restaurant) at Don Pedro's the night before. I got up and went to work,...I even blogged about how I felt no closer to having this baby then I did in the second trimester...Kristee Christensen had just had Lindzi the night before...

My blood pressure was a little high, so I went home to take it easy...I guess Dr Hansen, Eric, Julie, Jody, Dawn from my work all knew what was coming...but I was in denial...I still had a few weeks, right?

The rest was all so surreal...I had never even thought about having a baby...I know that sounds ridiculous...but I was big on not counting my chickens before they were hatched (literally). I routinely went on the baby boards...and for those of you who don't often peruse those sights...they have a tab for trying to conceive, pregnant, mother of new born, toddler, etc...I NEVER once clicked on the tab of Mother...a lot of people thought I was being superstitious, I just didn't want to get my hopes up.

I think I was a little scared to think about being a mother, too. My entire life, I had always held strong to the notion that what I wanted most was to be a mother. It's like that dream job, or car, or toy...sometimes it's so hyped up in your mind, that it's bound to disappoint. What if I wasn't satisfied being a mom? Giving up my career, my identity, my life?

After one year of being a stay-at-home mom, I can honestly attest to the divinity of this sacred calling. I am filled with the spirit when I think of how my life has exponentially gained depth, meaning, joy and love. I only hope that I can give Max half of the wonderful gifts that he has given me.

He filled a void in our lives and marriage that we didn't even distinctly know was there. The first time I held him, the spirit bore witness to me of His plan and my part in it, the same way it did the day I was baptized and later, on my wedding day as I knelt in the temple with Eric.

Happy Birthday, dear son, we love you so much!

...And Happy Birthday to a certain BeLOveD Grandma!!!!!